The Great Leader's Law and Order for Our Prosperous Nation

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Vagrant Orpheus
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The Great Leader's Law and Order for Our Prosperous Nation

Post by Vagrant Orpheus » Sat May 23, 2009 3:45 pm



The North Korean judicial system is perhaps one of the strangest of all contemporary societies, harkening back to the feudal and prehistoric eras where physical prowess dictated social standing. For, upon Kim Il-Sung’s rise to the Great Leader of the People of Korea, one of his first actions was to implement a series of laws against metahuman activities and presence in Korea. Those found to be metahumans, or associating with metahumans, were shot on sight, or sent to death camps. This official enforcement of the law continues in North Korea to this day, especially in the more regional areas of the nation.

However, problems arose in Korea, economic problems. With so much money being sunk into the military, North Korea was suffering, and it became too expensive to put criminals through the fair and reasonable judicial process laid out by the Great Father of Korea. The labour hours required to get confessions from some criminals to prove their guilt simply cost too much. In the end, it was an advisor to Kim Il-Sung who stumbled onto the solution for both the national economic crisis and the drawn-out judicial system. The judicial system was changed from softening up criminals before an interrogation and execution to a more reasonable one, similar to the systems of other nations, with lawyers and the opportunity to prove your own innocence.

Initially laid down specifically for metahuman trials, the process was simple. The metahuman would face off against a district attorney in a brutal battle, generally until a severe wound such as decapitation or severed limbs was dealt, or one party was unable to continue. If the defendant was able to provide the suitable evidence of his innocence, to the point where the prosecutor was no longer able to respond, he would be freed. Due to the Great Father’s wise decision against civilian privacy laws, these court cases could be accessed via the Internet around the world, so people could pay a small fee in order to view the court cases and learn more of the judicial system of Korea, and perhaps gain a greater understanding of it.

Soon, this judicial system expanded to encompass regular humans as well, and new options of law became available. One could hire a lawyer to fight the government in his own place, so those lawyers particularly skilled at their trade soon became a valued commodity, though it is worth noting that such a job as defending the civilian rights of the people in Korea is an exhausting job, and many lawyers retire early, or else die of exhaustion and stress. In addition, a jury system was introduced, whereby the defendant himself could take his case to a panel of twelve randomly-selected jurors instead of facing the skilled expertise of a government lawyer. Again, if the jurors became unable to present a sufficient response to the defendant, he would be declared innocent.

This judicial system became quite a success, but there were obviously some criminals too dangerous, or too obviously guilty, too petty or too foreign to be reasonably allowed to participate in a citizen’s justice system. These criminals were dispatched to a small island to the east of the mainland of North Korea, to be locked within a prison complex spanning half the island, and penetrating multiple levels beneath the surface. The island, surrounded as it was by a terrible reef, riptides and the like, was nigh-inescapable, and populated not just by these criminals, but by all the prisoners of war from the various conflicts North Korea had been involved in since its emergence as a nation in its own right, a world superpower. This island became known as the Just Reformatory.

As the new judicial system proved to be a great success to Kim Il-Sung, it became obvious that the hasty treatment towards metahumans was misplaced, to a degree, and that given a chance any powered individual could provide great service to the fine nation of North Korea. To this end, the death camps and immediate execution of powered individuals was greatly reduced to a mere 25% of such citizens, and while the option for a government trial was available, it was considered to be too expensive to face the highly-skilled district attorneys who had been educated in schools of law and had honed their judicial knowledge to a deadly edge, as it usually required hiring a lawyer of one’s own in order to stand any chance of success. Therefore, a free option became available. This option was to enrol for a chance to become a government lawyer, given the high turnover rates of the profession. If one’s enrolment was successful, then one would be admitted to a prestigious government school of law, to serve as an attorney. However, the enrolment process itself has become so famous that it is known as LAW SCHOOL in and of itself, as those who pass the enrolment process are generally capable enough to serve as lawyers in the North Korean judicial system without any higher education.

The enrolment process is simple. Once per month, all those who hope to become a government lawyer are shipped to the Just Reformatory, and the pre-enrolment procedures are undertaken. Each potential is stripped and cleansed of any impurities, before being provided with standard military fatigues. A small sub dermal device is implanted in the throat, which monitors a variety of life readings, and also features a device to inform the participant of their unsuitability for government law. High tech equipment, these devices are provided to Korea by certain unscrupulous research, development and technology companies who make healthy profits from the enrolment screenings placed on the Internet. Each hopeful is then provided with a military backpack, containing a single Composite Ration, imported from Indonesia, two packets of cigarettes, a lighter, fifteen cans of POWERTHIRST!, a small blanket, a file filled with information on the enrolment process and brochures for other government services, expressing the might of North Korea, as well as a random weapon. The variety of weapons is great, from a wooden board with a nail, to a rifle confiscated from POWs in previous conflicts, and even further to either side, from headbands to GPS devices to pens or can-openers. Generally, whatever the officials can get their hands on. Then begins the first stage of enrolment, the Aptitude & Suitability Phase, colloquially known as BR, for some obscure reason.

The hopefuls are released onto the island in ten-minute intervals, with simple instructions. They have three days to get from their starting position to the Reformatory Complex on the other side of the island. As they progress towards their destination, they are to test the mortality of any other hopefuls they may meet. If at least one mortality test is not successfully completed per hour, then all the participants automatically fail their enrolment. Participants may team up as they wish, but in the end, even if the Mortality Testing Requirements have been met and all others successfully reach the Reformatory Complex within 72 hours, only the first sixteen are permitted to enter. Thus, participants are encouraged to engage in as many Mortality Tests as possible, in order to improve their chances of being in the first sixteen upon arrival at the complex.

Though most participants follow the rules, there are always some who decide they would prefer to cancel their enrolment and leave the island. Luckily, the devices implanted in them have GPS to inform the officials of their locations, and the disqualification device can be activated if they leave the set boundaries. However, for those who do follow the rules and are amongst the first sixteen to arrive at the Reformatory Complex, the second stage of enrolment begins, known as the Education & Examination Phase, which has as obscure a colloquial name as the first phase, being known as MK. In this phase, the participants face each other in the style of knock-out tournaments, with the victor of a battle progressing to face their next opponent. Since there is only one space at the higher education schools of law for each enrolment period, the competition is truly fierce. As they progress further underground, the participants are faced with more and more prisoners, who tend to freely roam the Reformatory Complex, but who are persuaded to test the mortality of participants with offers of double rations for a month to prisoners who successfully test the mortality of competitors.

Eventually, there can be only one successful applicant, forged and hardened into the correct mindset by the enrolment process itself. Through this journey, having to rely on one’s own skills and reject internal beliefs which may hold them back, the victorious participant truly undergoes learning worthy of a prestigious LAW SCHOOL. However, it might be imagined that such a venture is expensive to run. While it would be, there is a large government service offered to citizens of the world, who may offer their opinions on who will emerge successful, from the very beginning right through to the end, with a small cash tip. Those who can back up their opinions with evidence after the enrolment process are rewarded with a return of funds, generally far greater than initially contributed. During the second phase, within the complex, security cameras broadcast everything the participants do, making for truly exciting viewing for those who have offered their opinions. Through this fair exchange of learned opinions, the North Korean judicial system continues to support the prosperous nation.

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Shroom Man 777
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Re: The Great Leader's Law and Order for Our Prosperous Nation

Post by Shroom Man 777 » Sat May 23, 2009 3:51 pm


This article is brilliant and I am really grateful that you found it in your computer, because goddamn it's great! The article is laden with ridiculous euphemisms but is at the same time brutally goddamn honest - it is all truth, it tells no lies! The truthiness and the patriotism and the absurdity are awesome! Goddamn I love North Korea. Goddamn North Korea!

In Comix, Kim Il-Sung should still be the Great Leader and ruler of North Korea!

"Sometimes Shroomy I wonder if your imagination actually counts as some sort of war crime." - FROD

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Re: The Great Leader's Law and Order for Our Prosperous Nation

Post by Peregrin » Sat May 23, 2009 8:15 pm

The scary/funny thing is that real life North Korea would probably consider doing something like that if metahumans were real.
"You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you." - Heraclitus

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