DINO EATER (18)

Moderators: Shroom Man 777, Ford Prefect

User avatar
Mobius 1
Global Mod
Posts: 1099
Joined: Mon May 19, 2008 11:40 pm
Location: Orlando, FL

Re: DINO EATER (17)

Post by Mobius 1 » Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:27 pm

That. Was. Awesome. I'd rate this as high as as the Reckoner fight in terms of sheer epicality. You're unstoppable when you write DINO EATER SRS BSNSS.
SHADOW TEMPEST BLACK || STB2: MIDNIGHT PARADOX
The day our skys fe||, the heavens split to create new skies.

User avatar
Malchus
Posts: 1257
Joined: Wed May 21, 2008 7:05 am
Location: In a chibi-land, eating the brains of H. P. Wuvcwaft.
Contact:

Re: DINO EATER (17)

Post by Malchus » Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:57 am

I saw bits and pieces of this since I helped proof some of it over MSN. However, the final product is absolutely jaw-dropping. Fidel once again demonstrates how much of an unequaled badass he is while the Carnotaur reminds me of a reptilian Arnie Termie in that it just won't stop, no matter how much damage, till you kill it.

Rob Liefeld of Comix my ass! Liefeld couldn't do awesome anywhere like this even if he was possessed by the eight Muses and the embodiment of EPIC WIN.
Image
I admire the man, he has a high tolerance for insanity (and inanity - which he generously contributed!). ~Shroom, on my wierdness tolerance.

User avatar
Shroom Man 777
Global Mod
Posts: 4530
Joined: Mon May 19, 2008 7:09 pm
Contact:

Re: DINO EATER (17)

Post by Shroom Man 777 » Thu Jul 31, 2008 8:35 am

I had to quicken up the pace. A lot of things happened in this last 15-paged chapter, more than some of the previous chapters that were longer and slower. I was thinking of how I might be criticized for having chapters that were too looooong. So, yeah, I sped things up - which may be a flaw in itself. I don't know. Hence I'm waiting for the audience reactions!

It was also frustrating trying to get this done "on time". I'm such a shmuck.

But now, on to other things! The Motley Crew! For Malchus!
Image

"Sometimes Shroomy I wonder if your imagination actually counts as some sort of war crime." - FROD

User avatar
Peregrin
Posts: 573
Joined: Mon May 19, 2008 7:56 pm
Location: Denmark

Re: DINO EATER (17)

Post by Peregrin » Fri Aug 01, 2008 11:46 pm

That is one tough cybernotaurus. The prose I found a bit clunkier than in other chapters, but in construction this is one of the awesomest fight scenes I've ever read from the Shroomster. It's like the jeep chase from Indiana Jones and the Overlords of the UFO meets the climax of Predator meets those wacky rumours I've been hearing about a potential Jurassic Park 4 script allegedly written by Robert Rodriguez. It's so demented that it's awesome not in spite of, but BECAUSE it has the balls the size of refrigerators to risk ridiculousness (I did almost roll my eyes at how much punishment not just the cybernotaurus but also Fidel took) while saying "SCREW YOU IF YOU THINK I CARE!" to the naysayers. :) The real problem with this, though, is that with action this transcendentally absoludicrously awesome you need to have one hell of a final battle to top this and not make it feel like an anti-climax.

Also, is it just me or is this setting up Fidel in a Betty & Veronica-type love triangle with Amy as the Betty and Natasha as the Veronica? That would be pretty cool. 8-)
"You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you." - Heraclitus

User avatar
Ford Prefect
Posts: 957
Joined: Tue May 20, 2008 11:12 am

Re: DINO EATER (17)

Post by Ford Prefect » Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:52 am

While not the best chapter at all, I thought it was a very impressive action set-piece. It was a highly intense chase scene, essentially, which came to a head in a brutal battle for survival. It's something of the same formula of the Reckoner duel, though that was more cat and mouse than chase, but it still came to those last desperate moments of man versus beast. Very good.
FEEL THESE GUNS ARCHWIND THESE ARE THE GUNS OF THE FLESHY MESSIAH THE TOOLS OF CREATION AND DESTRUCTION THAT WILL ENACT THE LAW OF MAN ACROSS THE UNIVERSE

User avatar
Vagrant Orpheus
Posts: 486
Joined: Tue May 20, 2008 5:59 pm
Location: Looking for Tim. WHERE'S TIM, GODDAMN YOU?!

Re: DINO EATER (18)

Post by Vagrant Orpheus » Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:14 pm

I don't think it's as awesome as everyone else seems to think, but it was solid enough as an action piece I guess. But seriously, Fidel survives a ridiculous amount of damage, it seems. There's no way he's human. He must have low-level metatalents or something.
Image

User avatar
Shroom Man 777
Global Mod
Posts: 4530
Joined: Mon May 19, 2008 7:09 pm
Contact:

Re: DINO EATER (18)

Post by Shroom Man 777 » Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:18 pm

Yarr... I am really troubled by this chapter, and I may take a(n even longer) break from DE to figure out what's up with this. Seriously.

As for Fidel's injuries... well, it's not like Solid Snake can't survive ridiculous amounts of damage as well. And as the story progresses, I'm moving further into Action Movie territory, so yeah...

Though to be honest, I am gripped with uncertainty :?

I'm going to welcome any and all suggestions, guys.
Image

"Sometimes Shroomy I wonder if your imagination actually counts as some sort of war crime." - FROD

User avatar
Peregrin
Posts: 573
Joined: Mon May 19, 2008 7:56 pm
Location: Denmark

Re: DINO EATER (18)

Post by Peregrin » Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:46 pm

I think you should have sent it through a rewrite or two before you posted it, that's all.
"You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you." - Heraclitus

User avatar
Shroom Man 777
Global Mod
Posts: 4530
Joined: Mon May 19, 2008 7:09 pm
Contact:

Re: DINO EATER (18)

Post by Shroom Man 777 » Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:55 pm

Sent it through a rewrite before I posted it?

Can't be.


I'm gonna seriously consider that, though. Goddamn it! I just wanted it over with, but it turns out that it's not over yet!

So I either re-do the damn thing, or soldier on and write a war scene between the Uprising and the EVIL Corporation. I'll probably have to flip a coin... decide on it, since my OCD might have problems.

How can I progress onwards when this thing is gonna nag me till the day I die?!

*screams*


I'll see what I decide on after I get back from the TWO WEEKS of DAILY HOSPITAL DUTY... IN THE HOSPITAL that's gonna start within, oh, less than 24 hours for me :cry:

Maybe I'll take a hiatus from writing DE and work on... other projects.
Image

"Sometimes Shroomy I wonder if your imagination actually counts as some sort of war crime." - FROD

User avatar
Malchus
Posts: 1257
Joined: Wed May 21, 2008 7:05 am
Location: In a chibi-land, eating the brains of H. P. Wuvcwaft.
Contact:

Re: DINO EATER (18)

Post by Malchus » Sun Aug 03, 2008 4:35 pm

Well, what exactly seems wrong with it? Sure it's shorter than most chapters, and the prose is more abrupt and abbreviated. But, hey, it's a mostly panicked and desperate action chase scene and the abrupt way prose was written worked (at least, it did for me). I don't think it warrants a rewrite at all. I say move forward, but then again that's just me.

As for the the Fidel damage, he doesn't nearly take as much punishment here than in previous chapters. Although, yeah, if he does accumulate too much injuries in the course of the whole story it would be pretty bad...
Image
I admire the man, he has a high tolerance for insanity (and inanity - which he generously contributed!). ~Shroom, on my wierdness tolerance.

User avatar
Peregrin
Posts: 573
Joined: Mon May 19, 2008 7:56 pm
Location: Denmark

Re: DINO EATER (18)

Post by Peregrin » Sun Aug 03, 2008 5:20 pm

Short? I found it rather long, or at least weighty because how intense it was.
"You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you." - Heraclitus

User avatar
Vagrant Orpheus
Posts: 486
Joined: Tue May 20, 2008 5:59 pm
Location: Looking for Tim. WHERE'S TIM, GODDAMN YOU?!

Re: DINO EATER (18)

Post by Vagrant Orpheus » Sun Aug 03, 2008 5:25 pm

There's nothing necessarily wrong with it. It's just that there's nothing amazingly right with it either. That's why I've rated it as a solid chapter, nothing more. It accomplishes what it needs to with reasonable efficiency and reader interest, but fact is that for me, a cyborg dinosaur can't match the interest inherent in interacting with other sentient beings or the tension of tactical espionage. Thus I found it a reasonable chapter but nothing extraordinary.
Image

User avatar
Heretic
Posts: 1733
Joined: Wed May 21, 2008 4:45 pm
Location: IN AMERICA

Re: DINO EATER (18)

Post by Heretic » Wed Aug 06, 2008 11:21 am

Yay! You mentioned the Cuban Exiles!

Yay! MGS3 simile!

Yay! Corporate dinosaurs! Maybe you should make ovirapturs (egg stealers) as the main force of EVIL, who steal money :P
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
-Joseph Campbell

User avatar
Heretic
Posts: 1733
Joined: Wed May 21, 2008 4:45 pm
Location: IN AMERICA

Re: DINO EATER (18)

Post by Heretic » Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:53 pm

K, finally read all of the Dino Eater. Man, Fidel is so badass, going on top of that cyborg dino.

MOAR!! MOAR!! MOAR!!!
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
-Joseph Campbell

Post Reply