Fidel Soup

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Fidel Soup

Post by Heretic »

Havana, a city with ancient 1950 vintage cars and market stalls. Most Cubans worry about prices more than health, thanks to free healthcare, tagged alongside regulations. The Palace which the President was living seemed fragile, with its stone and marble elegance and royalty, but in every inch of every wall, there is a modern surprise waiting for the next would be assassin, usually Tesla beams and mutant cages. Fidel Castro, even without his numerous metahuman bodyguards and secret ghost agents, was able to kickass. I mean, one must have two Vulcan Gatling Guns at a minimum in order to overthrow a U.S. backed government. After Castro came to power, many super agents and robots tried to destroy him, but all of them failed, being smashed by Castro's military or special weapons. Of course, Castro really doesn't need them. He could handle his enemies easily. President Castro just wanted to be nice, though. Of course, despite this knowledge, as well as having zillions of protective units, people time and again still try to kill Fidel Castro, and this story is about one of them.
----------------------------------------------------------------

"..That, Seniorita, is how I came to this country!" Carlos Felix, one of her field partners in this operation, explained as Carissa, codenamed Agent Clandestine, who was sitting on the front seat of an old Volkswagen. There were two other field agents behind her. Tasha Trask, Captain Capitalism's sister, who was in a bright red dress, and Max Dangerfield, a man who came to the future from the 1920s.

"Interesting. It is nice that the Captain allows other races to help." Carissa spoke while looking at the pine trees from a distant beach. She let out a low sigh. Such beautiful beaches, and I'm stuck here to overthrow a dictator that is virtually impossible to kill. As she thought deeply, her cell phone rang. She took it out and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Captain Capitalism here. I want to give a brief objective and background info. Mortuus is still working on his computer, so it is up to me for now."

"Does everyone else know?"

"Yes. Now, you know the main objective, right?" Captain Capitalism asked.

"Kill Fidel." Carissa memorized it by heart.

"Remember, this is a secret operation, so no one but a few must know this. But also, you must strike righteous fear into the hearts of the evil Cubans. You are Clandestine, who will cause damage and disappear. I would have called you Wraith, but someone possible already took that."

"So I'm suppose to wreck Cuba secretly as well as assassinate Fidel Castro?" Carissa asked.

"Yep. Now, the people you are with will be with you, though spread around. Max will help you wreck Cuba, while you will need Tasha to annihilate bigger targets, like super weapons. Carlos will supply you with weapons and vehicles. Mortuus Aquila will provide you with more specific mission briefings, as well as help you if you get lost. Socialist Hawk changed goals. He will be your life essence, helping you in dire situations."


"Where are you?" Carissa asked.

"In the Philippines. I'm here to keep this operation under control." Carissa could hear a hint a smile.

"The Philippines? ! I'm here, about to blow up Cuba, while you are somewhere in the Philippines, living it luxuriously! Are you mad?!" Carissa shouted!

"Calm down, our sponsors are here. And, for your information, I'm in the SM Mall of Asia." Captain Capitalism said. Carissa gave a frown.

"Contacts?"

"Of course! Don't think I paid for this myself! We got wealthy Cuban Exiles helping us, as well as their friend, which I cannot say."

"What do you mea..." Carissa asked when she heard a voice from CapCap's side.

"FOR MEE!!" The voice shrilled. Carissa pulled the phone away from her ringing ear. Carlos and the others looked at it as well. She heard cheering and screaming. Captain Capitalism voice came on.

"DAMNIT! It's just a fucking pop star bullshit, with bullshit teenagers and a bullshit hollywood wannabe! Now...what the fuck? Why are they looking at me!? Oh...shit...Carissa, I'm gonna call you back. I think I hit the heart of the Pinoy people...FUCK! Get off mee!...KFffffffttt...Back, you Yellow Perils! Back..Kfftttt...AYEE!!!" Captain Capitalism screamed and the call went off. Everyone was silent.

"Will he be ok?" Carlos asked.

"He will. I'm just worried about his attackers." Tasha spoke for the first time. Carissa also hoped that CapCap was safe for the first time.



"Back, you yellow niggers!" Captain Capitalism pushed 6 teenage boys away, who had pocket knives. He sidekicked an old lady who swayed her purse. "Take this!" He elbowed a bystander, smashing her jaw, forcing her to fly sideways. A cop came, shouting and waving to the crowd, hoping to stop the chaos. Didn't work. Captain Capitalism back handed him in the face. The pinoy fan zombies kept coming, wielding anything they can get their hands, anything to bash this American bastard to shreds for calling their god a Hollywood Wannabe. CapCap charged forward, jumping and doing a sidetwirl, tornadoing about a dozen more fangirls before he got up the stage for safety. In front of him was the fucking Filipino teen Hollywood Wannabe. Captain Capitalism didn't have time to comment about the lad's corporate ads on his jeans, Captain Capitalism only had time to kick ass and run. Of course, the fucking Filipino teen Hollywood Wannabe had different plans.

"You hit my fans?!" The FFTHW (fucking Filipino teen Hollywood Wannabe) said in a tone that seemed filled with assholery.

"They hit me, fool. Pre-emptive strike." CapCap said in his own asshole tone.. The FFTHW looked at his mountain of injured fans and shouted not to the injured, but to a camera man from one of those big news channels, and shouted in the name of publicity, "Do not fear, friends! I shall handle this intruder! No one messes with Rey Quirino!" Captain Capitalism made a frown.

"Who?" He asked. Rey was stunned.

"You do not know me? Where have you been, fool, the Stone Age? I am Rey Quirino, national hero of the Philippines, defender of all!" Rey shouted selfishly. He continued naming his awesomeness and deeds, flailing his arms, which caused people to fly and bash into walls when they came close in order to calm him down. Captain Capitalism noticed, but did not say anything, as they were Filipinos, and everyone knows that they are savages who keep changing their leader, as his views state. All he did was scratch his his head and walk down the stadium.

"Hey! No one bashes my fans while I'm singing and walks away without learning a lesson!" Rey barked. Captain Capitalism just kept walking. He was down to the last step when he felt a fist to his back. It was painful. CapCap flew for yards before crashing into a jewelry shop. He came in contact with the bullet proof glass head first, smashed it, and landed behind the counter. It was closed, so he didn't have to deal with an annoying small Asian.

"That does it!" Captain Capitalism barked as he got up and moved his head side to side and rolling his shoulders. Rey was still on the stadium, making a smartass speech to the camera which CapCap could not hear. "It's showtime!"
Last edited by Heretic on Thu May 21, 2009 1:04 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.1)

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Goddamn, the sheer dickishness of CapCap is made manifest! And who better to share it with than the Hero of the Philippines? :twisted: :lol:

They'll be an awesome side-dish to the main course of Carisse and Operation Fidel Soup :P :mrgreen:

Heretic has a similar style to mine when we're writing insane-fun-dickery. I like it.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.1)

Post by Malchus »

CapCap vs. Rey Quirino? Sounds like a massive clash of two of the largests dicks in the Comixverse. In other words, it shall be hellariously awesome! :lol:

Oh, and "Yellow Peril?" "Yellow niggers?" We prefer Brown Bananas or FLIPs (Fucking Little Island People), CapCap. Get yer racist labels straight. :P
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.1)

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

CapCap is incoherent. I like it that he's screaming 'yellow niggers' and 'yellow perils'. Makes him out to be a TOTAL lunatic!
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.1)

Post by Vagrant Orpheus »

Huh... that's an interesting one. CapCap and Rey. Now, just add in Jack and the Crow and there you have the Tetra-Dicks. Actually, that'd be an awesome battle. And Crow would win, because he's The Goddamn Crow and he has his Goddamn Utility Belt.

But the actual story, short as it is so far, is pretty amusing. I laughed at the yellow nigger comment, and also the blatant political commentary in the second line of the story. I'm definitely hoping you don't end up doing something we have to retcon out through CapCap's inherent dickishness though, like levelling Cuba or whatever.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.1)

Post by Ford Prefect »

Vagrant Orpheus wrote:Huh... that's an interesting one. CapCap and Rey. Now, just add in Jack and the Crow and there you have the Tetra-Dicks. Actually, that'd be an awesome battle. And Crow would win, because he's The Goddamn Crow and he has his Goddamn Utility Belt.
Please, Fantastic Jack would easily beat the Crow.There's just no contest here, Jack is stronger, tougher, faster and cooler.
I'm definitely hoping you don't end up doing something we have to retcon out through CapCap's inherent dickishness though, like levelling Cuba or whatever.
That's for Will Smith to do with a Hummer. ;)

To be honest, I have to wonder about the team Trask has assembled here. Socialist Hawk, of all people, is involved. I know that they're brothers, but I just can't see him allowing that sort of thing
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.1)

Post by Vagrant Orpheus »

Ford Prefect wrote: Please, Fantastic Jack would easily beat the Crow.There's just no contest here, Jack is stronger, tougher, faster and cooler.
And Superman is stronger, tougher and faster than the Bat, but look at how many times he gets his ass kicked by him. Like it or not, The Crow is the epitomy of Badass Normal within the vigilante world as far as I'm concerned, and he'd find a way to take Jack down. He could just gut him with the knife he carries with him all the time. Shrykar blades are good for that sort of thing.

And I would contest that Jack is cooler than The Crow. Nobody is cooler than The Crow. Cause he's The Goddamn Crow.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.1)

Post by Heretic »

Captain Capitalism, shaking himself from the concussion slam, began marching towards the rotten monkey, who was still boasting in front of the camera.

"....so, do not fear, Philippines[/size], I will always fight evil and injustice!" Rey spoke, grinning widely. The camera man looked to see CapCap behind him and..well, he didn't do anything, because right when he saw the face of American Free Trade, Captain Capitalism pushed Rey forward, who tripped and elbowed the man, who went into a coma.

"No one messes with Capitalism, bastard! No one!" Captain Capitalism hissed as he walked up and grabbed Rey by the back collar of his awesome blue shirt and tossed him into the fountain, where a teacher was helping children toss pennies. Rey spluttered and got up. Seeing that there was still an audience, Rey adjusted his wet shirt and smiled.

"I just wanted a high-tense warmup!" He said to the children and the hot teacher. He winked at her and walked out of the fountain as she fainted. Rey walked and came face to face with this strange American hero. "I know you! You are jealous that the Philippines chose me instead of you! Come, let us sit and chat about why you are so grudged against me!" Rey said arrogantly. Of course, he wanted to get this over with, as he wanted a date with that smoking hot teacher.

"I have no damn issues with your banana republic, monkey! You and your monkey friends can go switch ape leaders via guerrilla warfare, and then complain about the lack of bananas, making it an excuse for your damn monkey guerrilla wars. Your monkey people are only good for the land they waste on and horror stories!" Captain Capitalism cussed at Rey and the Filipinos as a whole. Rey didn't flinch. "Worst of all, you are the most stupid of your monkey people, screaming and whining for attention, whoever you may be, which I don't give a damn!" This time, Rey popped a nerve. This time, he didn't say his anger; he punched it out. Captain Capitalism didn't have time to react, only to feel the billions of slams in his body. Pain, vast pain, came trafficking his system, screaming it to stop. It didn't. Rey kept punching his adversary so much that even force couldn't have a chance to push poor CapCap back. Then, after a couple of seconds, he slowed down, letting CapCap slide to the ground, numb.

"Don't mess with me, asshole!" Rey kneeled down and grabbed Captain Capitalism by his back collar and lifted him up a little. "Submit!" Captain Capitalism groaned. "Submit, and I will spare your life!" Captain Capitalism trembled and placed his left hand on Rey's left shoulder. He said something. "What?" Rey said closer.

"Su...m..ss..." Captain Capitalism droned. Rey came closer.

"Say it!" Rey felt pride in his chest. Then, he felt Captain Capitalism's grip harden and felt himself swung. He saw himself flying back into the fountain. He drowned for a while and got up. Sputtering, he heard what CapCap really said.

"Submit, my ass!" Captain Capitalism shouted. He charged at Rey, and jumping up, gave Rey a WWE slam. Both went down into the water. CapCap grabbed Rey's neck and strangled him, while Rey started kicking CapCap's groin. They both stopped what they were doing to catch a breath.

"Trying to kill me?!" Rey sputtered. Captain Capitalism smacked his head, who got a reply of a kick.

"That's the point, dumb monkey!" Captain Capitalism insulted. They grabbed each other and continued trying to drown each other, both failing. With Rey's superhuman speed and CapCap brute strength, there was barely any water inside the fountain left. Rey gave an uppercut to Captain Capitalism's jaw before jumping back and out of the fountain. Captain Capitalism winced and charged after the teen. Rey punched CapCap in the nose, bloodying it, and forcing CapCap's head to swing back. Captain Capitalism gained enough strength to stop his head and swing it back to Rey, bludgeoning his jaw. This time, Rey's head flung sideways. His American adversary kneed his Solar Plexus, and Rey bent down in agony. CapCap kneed Rey a dozen times before getting tripped by Rey's hook kick. They stopped for a while, exhausted before continuing their slugfest.

"I am Rey Quirino, hero of the Philippines! I am undefeatable! I never lost a battle! Never..!" Rey, insane with exhaustion and this man, screamed before getting a kick in the face by CapCap.

"Shut your trap, brown banana! Only your monkey people would enjoy you! I'm American! I'm the defender of Capitalism!" Captain Capitalism shouted, not realizing that there was a dozen ads imprinted on Rey's leg. "I am Captain Capitalissmmm!!!" CapCap hollered his name as he jumped up and punched Rey to the ground, who did the hook kick while on the ground. Captain Capitalism fell while Rey got up. Rey resumed the fight by going on top of CapCap and beating the shit out of him.

"No one has and ever will defeat me!" Rey howled as CapCap got his face handed to him.

I gotta get out, or I'm finished! Captain Capitalism screamed at himself. He kicked Rey in the groin and quickly got up as his monkey people opponent hollered out in pain. "No one messes with Captain Capitalism!" Forgetting his promise to get out of here, he grabbed a fat, running bystander and threw him on top of Rey. Rey threw the fattie off him, forcing the poor man to fly up into the air and crash through the glass roof. More people ran between them. CapCap grabbed a small old man and threw him at Rey, who caught him, but instead of putting him down, threw the old man back. CapCap dodged and grabbed the old granny who was with the old man and tossed her at Rey, who didn't even bother grabbing her. He just evaded her, causing her to crash into the glass stores.

The real action was about to begin, but something even more important was happening in Cuba...
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.1)

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

:lol: :lol: :lol:

FUCK YES!

Goddamn, I love listening (reading) to CapCap ramble about brown banana monkey gorilla guerillas while Rey is all shrilly proclaiming his greatnessitude!

They deserve one another :mrgreen:

Now, back to Cuba. This is Operation Fidel Soup, not Operation Dinner Dickery or something :P
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.1)

Post by Malchus »

Maaaaang... I'm surprised that the prolonged conflict of two of the largest, most dickish egos in the Comixverse has not yet caused a dickery-induced spontaneous reality failure.

As hilarious as that was, though, I have to agree with Shroom on having more of the focus on Cuba. After all, CapCap versus ReyQ is supposed to be just the (awesomely hellarious) sideshow.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.1)

Post by Heretic »

Carissa checked her silenced Desert Eagle. The clip was loaded, and the firing mechanisms were in peak shape. She then checked her Ruger Mini-14. This, the Desert Eagle, the explosive tomahawk the Black Cat gave her, and a marine bayonet combat knife. All in all, with her close combat skills and her allies, she might actually succeed 1/10 the way. She got bored, and began a conversation with Joe (Mortuus Aquila), who seemed charming. They were currently discussing everyone's political standings. They were the only ones in the taxi, as Tasha and Carlos were fixing the engine, as they broke down in the middle of nowhere, which was hard to find in Cuba, cause nowhere is usually somewhere in this fairly small island.

"Of course, we all know what Captain Capitalism is." Mortuus said. Carissa smiled and nodded.

"Anyone can find that out. I know Socialist Hawk is...well...a socialist, but I wonder what type."

"From what I here, he is a Social Democrat, though he thinks killing Castro is futile and suicidal, so he doesn't even bother liberating the people there."

"What about Ms. Tasha?" Carissa asked. Mortuus grunted.

"She doesn't care much about politics, as long as she gets what she wants. So, she is a despot and a klepotratic in a way." Both of them laughed a little. "Carlos doesn't care as long as he has a shelter over his head, food on the table, an opportunity to prosper, and firing squads don't come marching down. CapCap says he is pro-American, even though Carlos is an illegal immigrant. When you get to know Sam, you realize he is hypocritical, saying one thing, and then doing another, just to prove a point about what he was saying."

"What about this Max Dangerfield? He seems to have an awesome name." Carissa tilted her head as she looked at the car mirror.

"I don't know what he is. We found out he was from the 20s, frozen in time by those mad weird scientists that populated America, and then thawed a couple years ago. He seems to hate communists and socialists as much as CapCap does, not because of the Cold War, but because of the Red Scare back then. He is capitalistic, not going through the Great Depression which led to the Social Security, IRS, and soup kitchens. Other than that, I do not know." Mortuus took out a Havana cigar and lit it. Carissa could smell the heavy smoke, but didn't really complain. "I'm moderate. Too busy working with Tasha to delve into politics. How about you?"

"I never really thought of politics. I lived with super British conservative Imperialists of parents, who made CapCap look like Gandhi. I swear, they were the worst people in the world. They just don't wish segregation and White Supremacy happens, they do it. My mom owns a sweatshop that hires underage children for low wages and backbreaking labor. My dad not only owns tons of oil rigs in the Eastern Shore of Africa, but he also owns a chain store for tourists that hires whole tribes that have been kicked off their land, under 19th century factory conditions. He would feed them leftover gruel and trash, thinking that their race can only handle that. At least Captain Capitalist would smack them on the wrist for being "tribal savages", and then feed them McDonalds, preaching capitalism and free enterprise." Carissa said, looking out into the vast jungles that laid alongside the empty road, lost in her thoughts. Then, she looked at Mortuus. "Does Tasha have any resemblances in personality with Captain Capitalism?"

"She goes real...racially inappropriate when she gets mad, just like CapCap. Worse of all, once she gets mad, it takes a long time to calm her down." As if by cue, Tasha started cussing the Subaru Justy that they rented from a Cuban car store.




Tasha cussed loudly. "F-cking little brown cock sucking commies!" She accidentally slammed her fingers into one of the carburetor parts (she does not know which), causing her fingers to swell up. "These assholes have enough money to supply health care to the already dead, but not enough to buy decent electronic carburetors? Man, now I really want to kill their dumbass leader. I'll rip out his dick, shove it in his mouth like a Havan Cigar, and then light it. Hell, these people don't even deserve balls!" Tasha kicked the front bumper in anger as Carlos tried to calm her down, while keeping her heating hand from the gas.

"Please calm down, Seniorita. The Embargo during the Cold War caused the Cubans to improvise for vehicles."

"Silence, Mario! I didn't ask you for history! They should have just begged their fat little red sore friends down in the damn jungle for better cars!" Tasha pointed at Carlo's mustache, which did look like the one from the Mario games, as well as that logo from the long chip brand, though Tasha forgot its name. Just then, a cop car came by, and a bearded policeman came out.

"Need help, folks?" He asked, coming to the odd foreigners, though the mustached man seemed more native.

"Yes, our car..." Carlos replied in Spanish, before he saw Tasha's lolita goth dress appear in his view, and then saw from an angle one of her high heels going up the cop's groin.

"PUTA!" Tasha shrilled as she leapt on the cop and started beating him senseless. "Don't act so calm when your bitch of a people go whining about America when all of your actually decent items are made from there, then have gay ass carburetor cars that aren't even vintage, and now you fucking ask me if we need help!" Carlos tried pulling her away, who was supported by Mortuus and Carissa, who got out of the car too late.

"Calm down, Tasha!" Mortuus shouted. "Don't jeopardize the mission!" Tasha back kicked Mortuus. He quickly got up and pulled out a syringe and a bottle from both of his pants pockets. Jabbing the syringe into the bottle and extracting green liquid from it, Mortuus came up to his insane boss and jabbed it into her neck. She collapsed and started snoozing.

"The bad news and the good news." Carlos said in improved English.

"What?" Mortuus grumbled as he dragged Tasha into the car.

"Good news is, we finally managed to get Tasha quiet. Bad news is, the cop isn't dead and he saw our faces and possibly our car tag."

"Fuck!" Carissa hissed. "Does that mean.."

"No," Carlos shook his head, "don't kill an innocent. We will dump this car somewhere and go John Rambo." Without any further questions, the team drove far away to a cliff, and dumped the car overboard, after taking their supplies with them, of course.



Back at the incident point, Officer Fidel (alot of parents named their children after the president) regained conscious. Rubbing his head, he looked around and could see that his attackers left in a rush. After grimacing in pain from his groin area, Fidel the cop went to his car and checked the camera built inside his shitty police car. After watching the video, he turned off the camera.

The Gringos don't know that we aren't as backwards as they think we are. He smiled as he took the radio and called HQ about the incident. "This is Officer Fidel 5. HQ, do you copy?"

"This is HQ. Officer Fidel 5, give us a report." A voice said in minimal static.

"I have been attacked by foreigners, but especially a witch. There were 4 of them, and they left, but there is something interesting about two of them. One of them, before getting out of the car, a female, had those Israeli Desert Eagles. She was holding it to her chest for the camera to see."

"And the other?"

"He had a radio set with an American flag on it hauled behind his head. Who knows what were in those trunks."

The radio was silent for a minute, then said, "We will report this to the Government. You're advice has been invaluable, comrade. Even if this was just some weird Capitalist Foreigner Pigs causing a false alarm, your diligence will be awarded." The radio was cut off.

Fidel the cop smiled and put away the radio set. He looked back and saw a small child crying in the middle of the road. Doesn't matter, he thought as he rushed to help the child, I'm a cop, here to help the people, low and high.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.3)

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

That's... insane.

I didn't know Tasha would be SUCH a BITCH! Wow, wow wow wow! :mrgreen:

Goddamn, I fear what SoHawk would be like if he was pissed! But maybe he takes drugs like opium or morphine to suppress those Trademark Trask Tantrums (alliterations).

I love the fact that they have a officer named Fidel 5, and that they probably got Officers Fidel 1-4 before him.

And the fact that shitty Cuban police cars have cameras. And the fact that Carissa's Desert Eagle was so conspicuous. And the radio set with a frickin' American flag on it. Talk about top secret missions.

I love dickery. Oh wait, does that make me gay?! :lol:

Also, mang. The Cuban Cop helps a crying children!

Eh, Fidel 5 is totally cool. Just an average dude who bumps into the wrong guys, ends up getting beat on, and then goes back doing his everyday job. Mang.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.3)

Post by Heretic »

The next chapter will focus on Socialist Hawk. I'm thinking of a plot, but I'll be sure to think of one soon. Now, back to another chapter of Annava: Genesis.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.3)

Post by Ford Prefect »

The Trasks arel ike ticking time bombs of anger. Hilarious. :D
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.3)

Post by Malchus »

Y'know, for a bunch of guys on a supposedly covert assassination mission, they sure don't know how to act covert. Or how not to wear clothes and display stuff which attract attention and are easily recognizable. :lol:
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.3)

Post by Heretic »

Wolfe Trovosky sighed as he turned off the confiscated Cuban Police radio set. Damnit, Sam. He cursed inside himself as he took a Havana cigar and lit it. Even though he was in the comforts of a Havanan hotel, he was very much a part of this operation, whether he liked it or not. Outside the porch window was a massive water fountain and marble floors, with fat tourists moving around with their fat whining kids who ate off half the world's resources, and paid back with amounts of stupid youtube videos made by and for themselves only, expecting people to give them stardom, when all they get are flaming messages from more mature audiences. Wolfe sighed as he took a puff of the cigar and looked over the tall buildings built to shield the tourists from what the people of Cuba are having. Shanties and second-rate houses were lined behind the tall modernized buildings. His keen eyesight showed him children, in cheap hand me down clothes, playing in the street while beaten up cars that still run on gas drove around the crowded market place. As much as I want to kill Fidel Castro, I can't. Especially with whoever they will place as the next Dictator. It is always the same. Replace one asshole with another. At least Fidel gave free healthcare.

Wolfe sat on a couch, contemplating the mission Sam gave everyone before going to the Philippines to do whatever he was doing. I do hope he didn't be a dick in front a Rey Quirino. Should have told him who he was. Ah well, my brother isn't as retarded as he looks. He would never go head to head with the god of the Filipinos. Wolfe strangely got bad vibes thinking that. Shaking them off, he continued smoking his cigar. A door opened, and Wolfe could tell that Tanya and their little girl came back from shopping.

"Daddy!" The girl shouted as she charged toward Wolfe.

"Hey, trooper." Wolfe smiled as he grabbed the girl and lifted her up. "How was it, Princess Hannah?"

"Mommy took me to the gift store and bought me billion of snow globes!" Wolfe laughed, but then stopped.

"Millions?" He gulped.

"Yeah! They are in the back of a industrial truck! The owner of the store was very grateful of us and said something about wonderful Gringos. What is a gringo?"

"Never mind that. Where is your mother?" Wolfe put her down and headed toward the door.

"She is sending all the globes into a jumbo cargo jet and storing them into a warehouse for when we get back home. You okay, daddy?" Hannah asked curiously to a shivering Wolfe.

"D-did she..bring her purse?" Wolfe stuttered.

"No, she took your wallet.."

"NOOO!!!!" Wolfe fell to his knees and shouted. Hannah looked a little scared. Wolfe went on all fours and started "crying."

"You okay?" Hannah asked as she came closer to her father. She touched him on the shoulder. He turned around and grabbed her, laughing.

"Of course I am, silly. I would never have a wallet. Only your stupid uncle would." His daughter laughed as he tossed her up in the air. "I knew your mother would needlessly waste millions of dollars, so I thought I might teach your uncle a value of generosity for his niece." Just as Wolfe put his daughter down, a brunette smoking hot woman came in the room, dressed in only a bikini with a towel tied around her waste. She spoke in a heavy Russian accent.

"You fooled me once again, Wolfe. I thought the wallet was yours this time. Tricked me!" Tanya giggled as she kissed Wolfe's cheek. Wolfe smiled.

"I gotta do some business." He said, giving Hannah a pat on the head and a hug to his wife. Tanya pouted.

"You always have business." She said as Wolfe left the hotel room.



Socialist Hawk went inside the pawnshop. In the smoky room was an old man behind a counter filled with odd antiques. Socialist Hawk spoke in Spanish.

"Agradiez, got any information about who my brother's sponsors?" Socialist Hawk said as he examined a voodoo jade shark.

"Yes, I have. Mafiosos and Cuban Exiles. Not the good ones, either." Socialist Hawk took out 80 dollars and purchased the jade shark.

"For my daughter."

Agradiez took the money and put it in his cash register. "The Mafioso are aligned with this Cuban group to overthrow Castro and bring back the previous regime, under their rule of course. The Cuban Exiles (as they are called) want to replace President Castro with a man named Carlos Francisco Pizarro. He is a blasted foreigner from a shitty South American country I forgot the name of. Von Reagan sponsored his mad experiments which included children and tiger hybrids back in the war against the communists. A pure psycho, I say." Socialist Hawk raised an eyebrow.

"So my brother is helping these fascists get into power? Why?"

"Because they are paying him big bucks. About 100 million dollars to spend on resources he may need, and 100 million more when he kills Fidel."

"I knew it! That handicapped brother of mine is such a...argh!" Socialist Hawk said goodbye to Agradiez and wnet out of the small shop.

"Better give my brother a few tips in the Philippines." He said as he took out his cell phone and dialed his brother. Waiting for a while, there was a click and screaming bursted out instantly. Socialist Hawk took the cell phone out of his ear and then cautiously listened again.

"Hello!?" Captain Capitalism's voice hollered over the strange sounds.

"Umm..Sam? This is Wolfe." A scream followed.

"Yeah, what do you want?! I'm busy here!" His brother shouted.

"Just wanted to give you a tip: if you see a teenage rock singer/celebrity with millions of fans, don't piss him off. There is a 99% chance that you will die."

"Oh, so nice of you telling me that!" A crash was heard and CapCap screamed.

"I am Rey Quirino, hero of the.... The voice was interrupted by a bang and a scream from Rey. After that, the cell phone was cut off.

Socialist Hawk, though an agnostic, did the cross on his body and then walked off, not realizing that a couple blocks away, there was a meeting concerning his friends.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.3)

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Like I said, Wolfe has an awesome family wife - though what's up with his wife exploiting his wallet like an unfortunate Third World nation? :P

Goddamn Sam! (that's catchy)
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.3)

Post by Heretic »

"So, what did Intelligence find?" Fidel asked as he lit a cigar.

"Tasha Trask, the sister of the American vigilante Captain Capitalism. Her codename is 'Black Cat'. Formerly a self-proclaimed vigilante working against esoteric organizations, she gave up and began working with her brother to gain a living. She is a lethal medium who gained her abilities from a living book." Major Muerte said as he sat on the swivel chair in his office. Fidel stayed standing.

"How do you know about this?"

"It was on her blog." Both of them laughed a little.

"So anything else?"

"There is Carlos Felix, a Mexican under Captain Capitalism's paycheck, Mortuus Aquila, real name Joe Jackson, who is the Black Cat's sidekick, and the girl you see in the back is Carissa Lancaster, a disgruntled teenager turned agent. We found out about her on Lousie Exner's website. Quite a participant. Also, we know that there are two others helping this cell. One is Socialist Hawk, who gave us the first warning, and a man named Max Dangerfield, who is said to be from the 1920s.". "

"Wait, if Socialist Hawk helped warn us about this cell, why is he helping them?" Fidel raised an eyebrow.

"Sibling thing. He is the brother of Captain Capitalism. Originally, he wasn't expecting us to check his fingerprints, so he thought he would be anonymous." Major Muerte took out a cigar and beckoned Fidel to light it. After taking a puff, the Major continued.

"These people aren't the dangerous ones. Captain Capitalism is an idiot and currently brawling with a Filipino hero, Carlos Felix is just a driver, Mortuus Aquila is a non-factor entirely, and if Tasha gets reckless, our snipers can finish her off. Socialist Hawk doesn't want to fight us yet...."

"Max Dangerfield is the danger?" Fidel said, making a little pun. Major Muerte nodded.

"He was the real Indiana Jones back then, or one of them. He is the serious one there, and is the serious threat. Take him out. He is said to be on the Northwestern Islands, where he is lodged in a shipwrecked beach. He may not look like much, but his history says differently. Tornadoes run from him in Kansas. "Fidel raised an eyebrow as he got up to leave the office.

"Well, he's not in Kansas anymore," he turned back before closing the door. "Now, he'll know we're not in Kansas."

The Major smirked as Fidel left the room for another day in the job.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.4)

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Cuban intelligence is competent, and, yeah. Even though I helped out in proofing this, I'm still glad to see Fidel and the Major in FIDEL SOUP. It's totally cool, and I can't wait to see FIDEL versus MAX DANGERFIELD.

Toto.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.4)

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Max looked at his new shelter, which he would be using until he was needed. It was a sad looking oil tanker, with some oil still spilling from the side. It was huge and has plenty of places to hide, but safety was doubtful. Captain Capitalism gave him some items, but being a fucking asshole, made Max buy the rest of the stuff he needed with his first paycheck. Now, he had nothing. He took his two duffel bags and headed inside the upturned bridge, climbing conveniently placed blocks, lowering his head to watch his steps. Heck, he didn't need to look, as the blocks made stairs...

Realizing that the crates were either placed by bored monkeys or something more human, Max looked up to see the bridge's door diagonally open, and there, leaning to one side, was a mustached man in some bizarre sort of camo. Of course, Max didn't have time to admire the uniform, as the man said a warming hello with a fast punch to Max's cheek, who had surrealist colors blurring around for a flash second. After he gained quick consciousness, he stood up from the sand, and hid behind a crate as his unknown foe shot tranquilizer darts at his direction.

Lowering his head, Max took out his Colt Anaconda, fully loaded, and jumped up, a backpack on his back, a duffel bag in one arm, and his big, mean power revolver in another. The man realized he didn't have time to load his tranq pistol, and slid to the side, out of Max's firing view. Max fired a round at the wall where he presumed was where the man was covered. Shockingly, as Max fired a .44 round, the man came out, holding two Colt Single Action Army Revolvers, firing with such accuracy, that Max would have died if he had not slammed to the ground.

As he fell, Max fired more .44 rounds, narrowly dual .45s zipping past his cowboy hat. The man, after firing away a couple, jumped back into the safety of the bridge's wall as the Anaconda's bullets zipped through the opening, where the man previously was positioned. Max quickly reloaded his pistol and hid behind a small palm tree as he took out his bowie knife. Then, he yelled the Rebel Yell and charged toward the bridge, determined to either shoot the man, stab him, or die. Though there was no way to get to the bridge's entrance, he would find a way. As he charged, he kept firing at the entrance to keep the enemy from gaining an upper hand. Of course, there was the windows to consider, but he had a good zigzag evasive maneuver that was unpredictable, so the chances of getting shot by the crack shot were 50/50.

As he got closer, Max saw the Single Action Army peep out of one of the windows and started firing randomly. He aimed at the gun and shot it off its master's hand. Then, a cylinder grenade of some sort was tossed out and Max took cover behind a crab who just stood there. A loud bang erupted, followed by a flash. Max cussed alot of racial terms as he ran for cover, only to lose some brain cells after his lovely brain smooched a pipeline, falling down from that affair. As he started gaining vision, a dart smacked right above his genitals.

"Damn! I would say that would be painful, but I can't feel nuttin'." Max hollered in his Kansas accent, and then collapsed his head, snoring away as if his mama rocked him to bed.



Fidel shot another dart right into the Cowboy's neck, just to be sure, then after looking around to see that he is the only one, and then slowly approached the man, retrieving his SAA along the way. He still had his gun and knife ready, as there has been times when tranquilizers have been useless. As Fidel got to a couple inches closer, he relaxed a bit, as it seemed like the man wasn't coming up for a minute. But, just to be sure, he kicked the American over, so that he showed his back. Fidel saw something on his belt, and went over the legs.

That was one of those times when Fidel gets a little lax, especially in situations like these, and don't really take it seriously. So, as Fidel split his legs over the man's feet, the American's left leg suddenly came up and his boot spur nearly missed Fidel's crotch, hitting the left joint that connects to the leg. It wasn't lethal, nor damaged his reproductive system, but it was excruciatingly painful, and Fidel let out a howl. Instantly he jumped back as the American did a leg twirl, grabbing his bowie knife and Colt Anaconda. Hell was unleashed as a man during Teddy Roosevelt's regime fought against a 21st century Cuban.



"Thought I was out, eh?" Max Dangerfield laughed as he twirled the revolver's chamber, while dodging Fidel's SAA shots. "Natives made me immune. Heaven knows how many herbs and grass they put in their peace pipes." Max fired a couple rounds, kneeling sideways. Fidel jumped to a boulder for cover, waiting for the American to stop firing. When it did, Fidel jumped out, only to see Max in front of him, holding the gun to his chest, and the bowie knife. Fidel responded with nodding his head slightly, indicating to Max to look down. Max did, and saw the gun pointed at his testicles, and the knife at his belly.

"Smart." Max growled. Fidel said nothing. Both of them move slowly in circles, waiting for the other to move. Max tried seeing a way to kick for the crotch, without getting his testicles mutilated, while Fidel played simulations of CQC against this foe. Both of them were at a stalement. Here is the rundown:

If Max shoots, Fidel might bolt in recoil and cut Max's belly, as well as a risk of getting shot himself.

There is a chance to shoot and withdraw, but usually the eyes would tell it all, so that was out of the question.

If Max stabbed and shot at the same time...no...

If he kicked the Cuban's gun and shot the knife away, there is a chance...



Fidel also had his thoughts:

The American isn't pointing at any vital organs, so Fidel could risk firing first, but this man seemed to be the type that seen alot of close shooting, so he might know a trick or two.

Fidel could move sideways, shoot, and the grab the man from behind as he is in shock, sliding the knife into slitting position to the neck, but the American had spurs, and was a bit taller than Fidel, unless....


Fidel pulled the trigger. Max ducked and kicked Fidel's gun to the side
Fidel's gun was jolted to the left, and the shot flew and shot down the sail of a shipwrecked fishing boat. Max lunged the Bowie knife at Fidel.

Fidel twirls the gun and uses the handle as a club to block the knife.

Max falls back from force of the revolver's bludgeon's parry. Fidel lunges his own knife.

Max shoots out a arm and grabs Fidel's wrist. Fidel points his revolver at Max.

Max tilts his head as the little metal made a little nuclear explosion in the sand, hurting his ears and eyes, while kneeing Fidel's groin. Fidel loosened his grip as he grinded his teeth.

Max pushes Fidel off, and runs for his nearest duffel bag. Fidel aims at Max.

Max slides to the duffel bag like in baseball, with .45s zipping over his head. Fidel reloads.

Max tears open the duffel bag like a shirt, spewing forth old Playboy magazines, alcohol, and a dozen bibles, until a M1 Garand came to view. Fidel slams his chamber back in and aims.

Max grabs it and runs in a semicircle toward Fidel. Fidel shoots at previous Max location, and then aims at Max.

Max slides again, aiming his M1 Garand at Fidel's head. Fidel ducks.

The bullet zips past Fidel, who rises and aims his SAA at Max's head this time. Max tries to duck, but realized that he slid into the rocks a bit too deep. He tries to get his foot out.

Fidel takes a deep breath, adjusts aims, and...

A huge burst echoed behind them, and Max looked up. The tanker was in flames. Fidel looked up and saw too. Max took this as an opportunity and aimed his Garand, but then realized he didn't have to. As Fidel looked at Max again, a part of the rusty tanker, some parts of the wall, dislodged from its conformed structure and fell towards Fidel, some flames tailing behind it. Max smiled and waved at Fidel, who quickly stood up to run. Too late. The pieces smashed him and he was covered. Max quickly got his foot out took some Playboy magazines, a bible, and some rum, placed those into some free space into his other duffel bag, put his Anaconda into his gun belt, and rested his rifle on his shoulder. As he picked up the duffel bag and looked at the flames, and made a quick prayer and walked off into the setting Caribbean sun, the waves rolling on Mother Earth.

"You know," Max said to his M1, "I'm gonna call you Jesus, as you saved my hide big time." With that being said, Max went onto his motor boat, and sailed off, looking for a more safe, more nicer Island to set up base.



Fidel groaned as he felt the flames come closer. Gotta get this wall off me! He cursed as he crawled forward. There was a little crack that showed the outside world. Everything was on fire. Crates, magazines, bibles, oil spills, palm trees...hell, even a roasted crab. Fidel rotated his body, so that he faced the wall above him. He adjusted his position, placed two hands on the wall, and pushed. It gave way a little. Fidel pushed some more. Then, he slowly let go of one hand and quickly positioned it on top. He did this until he got to the edge, which he then pushed the piece of the tanker with his legs. As he got up, flames engulfed the area where he was when he gained to. Taking a cigar, he lit it with a small flame nearby, took a bottle of whiskey that the American left, and sat down behind a flat stone to dine on the crab. After chewing down on the last leg, Fidel took a swig of the bottle and took out his walkie talkie.

"Major, this is Fidel."

"Fidel, I'm glad you are alright! Did you finish him?" The Major's voice said with minor static.

"No, he shot a combustible component of the engine near a tanker, which engulfed the whole boat, and practically the whole island aflame. A part of the tanker fell on me." Fidel stomped out a small fireling that was developing on dry seaweed. "To make matters worse, the American left. I don't see his boat anywhere." Fidel dined on some of the cooked seaweed.

"Damn. This cell is more dangerous than I thought. Are you hurt?"

"Everywhere." Fidel remarked, wincing in memory of his spur-related lower injury.

"Well, I'm sending a chopper to pick you up. Stay where you are. If the fire gets too out of control, go near the water."

"Got it. Fidel out." Fidel put away his walkie talkie and roamed around, contemplating on the American's fighting style. Sure was American. Dirty and rough. Fidel thought. A chopper came down in no less than 10 minutes, and Fidel watched as the copter hovered up. The whole island was burning oil, black pollutants filling the sky, as ships are burned to crisps.

"Definitely American." Fidel remarked.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.4)

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

A good fight scene that does both characters good. I like it, and I found it rather amusing that Max has a bunch of ancient playboy magazines and Bibles :P

And, yeah. Mang, Fidel is hellishly durable - even having a piece of tanker fall on him.

Burning oil tankers, palm trees, and roasted crabs! And innuendo near the end - dirty and rough!

Pretty good, mang. CONTINUE.
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.4)

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"Do you think they know who we are?" Carissa asked nervously as she peeked over in the train corridor.

"Don't worry, Seniorita," Carlos assured her between mouthfuls of potato chips, "if they knew, we would have been caught the moment we touched down in Havana. Now, relax and enjoy this luxurious scene. It isn't everyday we ride a monorail/train hybrid, with our own compartments." The British girl looked at the Mexican cab driver as if he was insane.

"Hunh, how can I when we have to assassinate the Cuban President himself!" She whispered. Carlos chucked and resumed munching away at the chips. Tasha was sitting next to Carissa, staring at the window. Standing up, she pardoned herself.

"Gonna get some Cuban Cigars." She muttered as she went to the corridor, passing a couple of whining rich kids and their not caring parents. Send them to Mexico. She snarled as she passed a certain fat kid who screamed for everything in the world. Eyes on the knob to the next corridor, she opened the door and went inside, but before she looked at her surroundings, they went through a tunnel. Everything went dark. "Dangit." Tasha bumped into a person. "Excuse me." She said in Spanish.

"Sorry." The ruff voice responded. Tasha waited for a little until the tunnel passed, and looked around, and almost died with fright. Virtually all the men inside were Revolutionary Armed Forces, AKs slung over their shoulders...and they all stared at her and her lolita dress. A few even winked at her and resumed drinking and smoking. Tasha gulped and moved toward the counter. After purchasing a pack of cigars, she quickly moved through the corridor and back into her compartment, sweating profusely.

"Fuck!" She hissed. Everyone was startled.

"What?" Mortuus asked nervously.

"Cuban soldiers are packed in the min store. They might be waiting for us!" Carissa turned white with that.

"We discarded our guns!" She cried as she buried her head into her hands. "We are so bloody screwed!" Even Carlos was worried, as he seemed to lose his appetite.

"Well, maybe they don't know..." Carlos muttered. They all stood quiet, everyone in their own thoughts. The monorail rumbled along, making that patterned thumps when it came to a bumpy column supporting the rails. Then, gunshots erupted. There were shouts and screams.

"What the hell was that?" Mortuus shouted over the confusion. He opened up and saw two soldiers laying on the ground. In front of them was a man in a ninja suit, holding up what seemed to be a Heckler & Koch UMP, and a ninjato, or a straight sword used by ninjas, strapped on his back.

"Freeze, everyone!" He shouted in an American accent. He took a look at his hostages and nodded. "Everyone to the back!" Carissa looked at her companions, who nodded. They all got out and headed for the back of the monorail. More ninjas with UMPs and ninjatos with more hostages appeared. When the last batch of civilians, a squad of nuns, came in, the ninjas gathered together. Carissa saw 8 of them.

"Think you can dispatch them all?" She asked Tasha. Tasha shook her head.

"H'yil is in my bag. The only spells I have on me right now are 9 evasive spells, and Area of Effect attack, which could get us killed here if I used it." 6 ninjas walked off, leaving two of them in guard.

"I don't like the looks of this." Mortuus exclaimed. "My fingers are already tired. i can't do spells, either." Carissa cursed and began thinking. Then, after a minute, she whispered to her comrades, and began walking toward the guards. The ninjas pointed their SMGs at her. Carissa smiled, and then, with quick speed, jumped up and grabbed the ninja on the left's gun, ducking as Carlos belly slammed the other ninja on the floor, and grabbed his UMP. The ninja on the left drew out his ninjato, but was surprise to see a blur in front of him morph into that dark haired woman in the lolita dress. Seeing him hesitate, Tasha kicked him with her high heels, smashing his groin into mush. Screaming, the ninja knelt down, fidgeting in manly pain. Carissa came to him and quickly pinned him into a grappling position, with Carlos holding the gun to his head.

"Who are you?" Carissa demanded, putting pressure.

"I will not tell!" A quite European voice responded.

"Tell me, or I will take your cowl off!" The ninja laughed.

"I failed at my mission. I cannot live anymore." Carissa felt a tap on her shoulder, and saw Mortuus pointing somewhere. The crowd was still there, all with cell phones pointed at them.

Oh no.... Carissa screamed inside. "Stop!" She shouted. They didn't stop. So, she pointed her gun at them, and they all screamed. "If you don't put all the phones down, I will shoot!" Everyone hastily placed their cellphones down. "Now, give them to us!" Slowly, everyone got them out and placed them on the floor next to Carlos. "Delete the photos." Without looking back, Carissa went back to the ninja.

"We know you work for the Cubans! The thing is, why attack your own soldiers and tourists?"

"Are you daft? We don't work for those vile Cubans? We are here to assassinate the presidente! All hail General Fransisco Lopez! All Hail General Fransisco Lopez!" The ninja shouted. Carissa went numb.

"Isn't he the leader of the Cuban Exiles?" Carissa asked. The ninja nodded. "But we are also hired by them!"

"Hah!" He laughed. "You fools didn't get the memo that came with the contract? Hell, have you even read the contract?" Carissa looked at the others. They just shrugged.

"Umm...well, only our boss knew about this contract. He never said anything about a memo."

"Your boss must be stupid." The ninja replied. Carissa started to loosen her pressure.

"What did the contract say?" Mortuus asked as he took out a huge tome from Tasha's bag and gave it to her.

"Only the strongest of the assassins and hitmen can be allowed to assassinate Castro, and thus become the Elite for General Lopez's military force. Now, I would recommend you lay down your arms, and surrender." The ninja said, looking at Carissa straight in the eye.

"And why is that?" She asked, tightening her grip on his hand and her UMP starting aiming for his head.

"We are," there was clicking noises all around. The rest of the ninjas appeared out of nowhere and aimed their guns at the Freedom Unit and civilians, "ninjas." Carissa let go off her ninja hostage, who jumped forward to one of his ninja comrades, who gave him a ninja sword. "Now, hands up." But before he could even point it at his ex-captor, a figure appeared in front of them, and twirled around, incapacitating all the ninjas before they could do anything.

"Wolfe!" Black Catexclaimed as the man twister slowed down and showed the blond socialist.

"I knew this would happen." He grimaced as he knelt next to a ninja and pulled out the mask, showing a dirty blond hair man with a short mustache. "Enter the Ninja wannabes." Getting up, Socialist Hawk came to the crowd and smiled a bit. "Just a typical small fry heist." The crowd sighed in relief and started heading back to their compartments, thanking Socialist Hawk for his bravery and skill.

"What are we going to do with the ninjas?" Mortuus asked as one groaned.

"Tie them up." He pointed at Tasha and Mortuus. "After that, come to the back door of the train, our hovercraft is waiting. Clarisse and Carlos, get our luggage." After the ninjas were tied up, and Clarisse dragged all the luggage, Socialist Hawk led them through the back, and opened the door. Wind flooded them, and Clarisse held her face away, spitting out strands of Black Cat's hair. As they sneaked toward the edge, Socialist Hawk jumped onto a small helium raft equipped with jet engines, hovering behind the train. Socialist Hawk helped each one get one, and after Carlos had some difficulty being his height, the hovercraft sped aside into a small grove of trees.


Fidel Castro 5 winced as his patched up body screamed. Blasted gringo! He thought as he pulled his car into a sharp turn. Nothing but palm trees, rocks, and the occasional tourist snapping photos at said palm trees and rocks. Sighing a rusty sigh, Fidel 5 pulled his Cuban police car over at the edge of a cliff, and got out. Placing his hands out over the rail, the police reflected deep on his life. After years of serving the Cuban Police, fighting the typical CIA assassin and the anal probing alien, he has always been passed over the commissioner promotion. Although Fidel 5 wasn't really jealous, he wanted to go farther in helping the Cuban people, doing things more than just a simple officer. As Fidel 5 looked over the Caribbean horizon, he saw the speck. A small speck that was followed by a hiss of gas, coming at him. Perplex beyond a doubt, the Cuban cop quickly came to his police car and opened the door, trying to reach out for the radio. Then, hearing a shout, he looked up.


Captain Capitalism hissed a drowned curse as the jetpack sputtered with a loud cough. The sea below him grew as the jetpack gave its final push.

Survived that bastard! Captain Capitalism exulted to himself as he plummeted towards a small cop car where a scrawny officer was halfway inside, his communication set in his hand, and his face in a horrified gape. Captain Capitalism tried steering aside, but couldn't maneuver, and thus slammed his face into the bulletproof window. The glass broke and Captain Capitalism's bulk rolled next to Fidel 5.

"Ai!" Fidel 5 hollered as he jumped back. Captain Capitalism groaned and got out. Craning his neck, he looked at the policeman and frowned.

"Where am I, my good friend?" He said in English. Fidel 5 thankfully mastered English during Elementary.

"Near Havana, Senior." He said as he came close to Capcap. "Are you hurt?"

"Hah! Though there may be downfalls and plummets, Capitalism will always prevail!" Captain Capitalism shouted as he placed his fists on his hip, head high. Fidel 5 raised an eyebrow.

Ah, the damage in his brain got to him. Fidel smiled in understanding. Taking out a swirly lollipop, he handed it to Captain Capitalism. "Please come with me, Senior. We need to take you to a hospital." Captain Capitalism gladly took the lollipop, and walked towards the battered cop car.

"But I don't have any money, and my debit card is elsewhere." Captain Capitalism replied as he enjoyed the hard candy. The cop laughed, rubbing his small black goatee in an amused way.

"Don't worry, Senior, the state already paid for..." He did not finish, as stars came into his vision, as hard candy was smashed on his head. A foot slammed on his back, and he fell face first on the concrete.

"The State?! Are you trying to tell me that heathen nannies are trying to take control of my life! I am afraid not, my dear fellow!" Captain Capitalism snarled as he smashed his dud jetpack on Fidel 5's body, causing him to scream. Jumping off the battered Cuban, Captain Capitalism brushed his blue suit, groomed hastily the cropped back hair, and then jumped into the police car, its keys still in. "Don't think this is stealing, because you don't own this car; the state does!" He retorted as he turned on the engine and drove off into the sunset, bent on bringing freedom and privatization to the world, one banana republic at a time.

Fidel 5 got up, his head in pain, and his back in bad order. Looking around, he saw the gringo and his cop car gone. Checking his pocket, he cursed as he couldn't feel his cell phone or his wallet. Stolen as well. Sighing, he brushed dirt and concrete bits of his ripped uniform, and began walking toward the beach, where an argument broke out. No matter how hard life was, he always served the people, communist or capitalist.
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
-Joseph Campbell
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Shroom Man 777
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.4)

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

I really like this! It's patently ridiculous and I totally love your flippant devil-may-care take on writing things that barely make any sense! :lol:

It reminds me of something I'd write, except someone else (you) wrote it! So, yeah, it's a totally fun read.

Goddamn ninjas with deranged contracts. :P

And, goddamn, Fidel Castro V is a total man's man. I mean, shit, get brutalized by a teenage witch bitch, no problem. Get his ass beat by cyborg capitalist crazy cocks? Eh, big deal. Get robbed by said crazed cyborg capitalist cock? Just another day at work. He's an awesome side character, and his stoicism and dedication to the job and to the people is great! :lol:


There are some slight grammer issues though. When you described SoHawk "twirling" around the ninjas to disarm them, you really didn't describe how he did it and "twirling" just made me think of him doing ballet. :P

Also, you misspelled Carisse as Clarisse. (But maybe you read another certain written piece of work featuring a character named Clarisse) ;)


But all in all, this is great and it's AWESOME that you're continuing it.

SoHawk has an AWESOME hovercar - a helium raft with jet engines! :lol:

And, yeah, major props to Carisse and Co. for taking down two ninjas. Sure, Tasha and Mortuus are both magicians, but those guys had UMPs and frickin' ninjatos!

EDIT:

This is great since I'm very tired having finished two weeks of NUERSING at a hostipal. This fun read was just what I needed.

Thanks, Heretic. :mrgreen:
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"Sometimes Shroomy I wonder if your imagination actually counts as some sort of war crime." - FROD
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.4)

Post by Heretic »

I am happy you enjoy it. Hope you have the time to continue Dino Eater. How big a dinosaur can Fidel eat? That is the question.
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
-Joseph Campbell
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Re: Fidel Soup (Ch.4)

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

He likes to eat them small and light, since you can't really going around beating ass and ruining people's shit feeling bloated on a small stomach. :P

(I thought it would be a robot!)
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"Sometimes Shroomy I wonder if your imagination actually counts as some sort of war crime." - FROD
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