Once Upon A Time In Wild Manchuria

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Siege
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Once Upon A Time In Wild Manchuria

Post by Siege »

Behold, the next in a long line of Comix-projects, and hopefully one of the few that won't peter out somewhere halfway. The following is inspired mostly by Shroom's mad rantings about (guess what) Wild Manchuria, a desire I've been harboring for a while to do another cowboy/gunslinger story, plus a brainstorm session or two. So, without further ado, let the spectacles begin!

Once Upon A Time In Wild Manchuria


He was a comely, upstanding young man, full of beans and not without prospects. Therefore it was unfortunate that he were to come into conflict with Adelaide Kalashov, a known Russian mobster and murderer, and head of the Manchurian mafiya. He died in a hail of bullets just outside the Sakhalin Saloon. That was in 2007.

The unfortunate victim, however, had not always been such a candid member of Manchurian society. Before he buried his guns in the Siberian permafrost near the Sea of Okhotsk, he had been a member of the Chin-Chou Gang, a group of outlaws of particularly cruel reputation.

Enter Wild Bob Khan, a man of notoriously vicious and intemperate disposition…



Part One: Wild Bob Is Coming To Town

He was the black sheep of the family
How did mama’s pride and joy
Go from such a precious baby
To the devil’s poster boy
- Eliza Gilkyson


Maxim Gorky, the biggest hive of scum and villainy in all of Wild Manchuria. I haven’t been round these parts for some time. It’s bigger than I recall, but other ‘n that nothing’s changed much. Still smells of dust and diesel.
Still the same old mass of rickety houses, still the same old dusty streets. Still the same worn out folk milling about: Cossacks, Norks, Chinamen, others still. This being Gorky, I know half of ‘em are too good for the air they breathe.

I take some gas off the engine as I drift into Main Street. Holler of engines fills the air, big GAZ trucks and fume-spewing motorcycles rattlin’ through the streets. An old low-flying DC-3 passes overhead, flying off the airstrip just out of town. Folks are shouting. Music echoes out of gamblin’ halls and arcades, old rock ‘n’ roll faves and weird atonal Chinese tunes.

The bike rolls on lazily when I cut power completely, coming to a stop in front of a sleazy looking drinking den whose front porch looks like it ain’t got a straight line in it. People bustle back an’ forth across the worn-out pavement, paying me no heed. That suits me just fine.

I slide off the bike and plant the soles of my rattlesnake boots firmly into the Manchurian dirt, bandoliers stuffed with bullets clattering lightly against my kit of body armor. I briefly check if my pistols are still where they’re supposed to be. A local lawman walks by, red hammer-and-sickle badge pinned to his coat. He eyes me suspiciously, but it don’t pay to make trouble right away. There’s ChiCom cavalry’s in town, you can tell by the rusty T-34 tanks that’s parked near the gas pump. I mean violence alright, but there ain’t no need to rush things. There’s this saying I once heard, ‘revenge is a dish best served cold, with a side-serving of hot lead’. Damned if that ain’t the truth.

The inside of the den is darker than a black bull’s asshole on a starless night. Any windows have been spray-painted black. A worn-out jukebox in the back lights up with bright neon, blasting some Nork agitprop crap. When my eyes get used to the dark, I see there’s a dozen or so worn-down tables inside, most of them occupied by gaunt men and haggard women playing cards or speaking in hushed tones. Cheap drinks are served by even cheaper waitresses. Some of the patrons look at me briefly before deciding they better turn their attention back to what they were doing before.

After a brief look around I see who I’m looking for. The man’s sitting with his back to the door. That means he’s either a dumbass or sure no-one will dare shoot him in the back. Knowing Chang, it’s gotta be the latter. I walk over and slowly set myself down in the rickety chair opposite him.

For a minute I stare at him and he stares at me. His expression don’t change. I bet he’s been expecting me, in a kinda-sorta way.

“It's been a long time, Chang”, I says. “You run out of Norks to kill?”

“Well, well”, says he finally, looking me up and down. “If it ain’t Wild Bob Khan. I thought you was, well, having not heard of you for some time there, I kinda thought you was dead.”

“Ain’t no one fast enough to shoot Bob Khan, Chang. You know that.”

“Well, actually, what I heard was that you fell off your bike, drunk of course, and that you broke your bloody neck.”

“I heard that one myself. Hell, I even thought I was dead ‘til I found out it was just that I was in Tunguska.”

“I see you’ve shaved that bad-lookin’ Manchu moustache off.”

“I ain’t here to talk about no moustache, Chang.”

“You here ‘cause of Rusalsky?”

“I’m here ‘cause of Rusalsky.”

“You know I didn’t have nothin’ to do with that. He was bein’ a stupid fucker. Got involved with the wrong crowd, the kind of crowd you don’t mess about with, ‘specially not if you’ve put your damn guns in the ground.”

“I don’ care if he was the stupidest fucker in the world, Chang. He was my stupidest fucker, and no-one kills mine without me havin’ somethin’ to say ‘bout it.”

Liu Chang grins a bit, exposing two rows of dirty yellow teeth. “So, you gonna make trouble with Adelaide Kalashov, Bob? ‘Cause, you know, that’ll bring down all the Manchurian mob on your scrawny-ass neck.”

So it was Kalashov after all. Damn. I hoped this was gonna be easier. Doesn’t matter in the end though. There’s no law west of Liao-yang. So a man’s gotta make his own, and my kind of law means that someone’s gotta pay for the killin’ of Rikers ‘Rudeboy’ Rusalsky, in the eye-for-an-eye kind of way. All the involvement of a Russian mob boss means is that I’m gonna have to shoot a way through more people before justice is seen to be done.

And so I shrug. “I’m down here for war, Chang. I’m gonna kill Adelaide Kalashov.”

Promptly the door to the drinking den flies open and off its hinges. Three bearded Russians wearing brown leather overcoats and carrying automatic weapons file in and spread out like they mean violence. “Who of you dirty fuckers is the man they calls Wild Bob Khan?” the lead gunman yells with an unmistakable Siberian accent. “’Cause we’re the goddamn Three Kings, and we’re here kill the fuck outta you!”

Chang nods his head slowly. “Well”, he says. “If you’re here to kill Adelaide Kalashov, you might as well start with them three o’er there.”

Well, I feel like snapping,
My pistol in your face.
I'm gonna let the graveyard,
Be your resting place.
- Rory Gallagher
"Nick Fury. Old-school cold warrior. The original black ops hardcase. Long before I stepped off a C-130 at Da Nang, Fury and his team had set fire to half of Asia." - Frank Castle

For, now De Ruyter's topsails
Off naked Chatham show,
We dare not meet him with our fleet -
And this the Dutchmen know!
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Re: Once Upon A Time In Wild Manchuria

Post by Malchus »

Oh, man, I can't wipe the grin off my face (said grin looking at lot like my current avatar) right now. I was looking forward to this when Shroom told me you were planning to write a Wild Manchuria piece, and I'm looking forward to see how this develops!
Last edited by Malchus on Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Once Upon A Time In Wild Manchuria

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Fuck yes, this is what I needed - an infusion of awesome before heading out for work! :mrgreen:

Wild Bob Khan!

Peking Ping!

Pyongyang Park!

And so on and so forths!

EDIT:

And, yeah. Since they're all Chinamen and Norks and Russians, the dialog is probably heavily dubbed. So they're talking with Western voices and accents, but their mouth movements don't match! :lol:
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Re: Once Upon A Time In Wild Manchuria

Post by Heretic »

Say, this is actually interesting enough to comment on. Though this would be another masterpiece that was just boring to me.

Wait, Manchuria isn't in China's control? Or is it just the Wild West of China?

And man, the Good, the Bad, and the Weird is so awesome, almost turned me gay with the second guy. :lol:
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Re: Once Upon A Time In Wild Manchuria

Post by Artemis »

What the Holy Fuck?!

ChiComs! Norks! Siberia! Guns! Manchu Mustaches!

This is gonna be great.
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