Eclipse

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Czernobog
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Eclipse

Post by Czernobog »

Deleted. Please lock this thread.
Last edited by Czernobog on Wed May 05, 2010 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
You have ruled this galaxy for ten thousand years.
You have little of account to show for your efforts.
Order. Unity. Obedience.
We taught the galaxy these things.

And we shall do so again.
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Shroom Man 777
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Re: Eclipse

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Kamin997 wrote:Origins:

The tale of the Eclipse Entity is a long one. It begins in a dying universe, long since past its heat death, the final, prolonged death-spasms of reality itself creating portals to other times, other dimensions. And through these portals one small entity, a being of formless shadow with the power of a weak god, fled, falling through realities and dimensions, landing upon our own world more by blind chance than by design. It appeared in orbit of Earth, and landed as a meteor, that happened to land in a garden in an American suburb, the garden of a house belonging to the middle-class Black family. A 16 year-old girl, Jacqueline Black, touched it, and the entity jumped into her mind, rendering her in a coma as the entity carved out a place inside her mind.

She woke up six months later, the family very relieved, and three weeks later, as she headed to a cinema downtown, two thugs accosted her in an alleyway. The entity, sensing her fear and fearing the loss of its host, unleashed tendrils of ravenous, light-devouring shadow, which reduced them to little more than dust.

The incident did not go unnoticed, but nobody ever managed to figure out what had happened, especially as she tested negative for all metahuman or magical ability. The entity surfaced again, when a metahuman criminal attacked Jacqueline. The metahuman ran screaming, and was later sent to an asylum. Indeed, the bizarre number of strange incidents happening to those who attacked Jacqueline has attracted the attention of many, but nobody can find her responsible or figure out the cause of what happened - all the investigations have seemed to mysteriously run into dead ends.

Meanwhile, the shadow entity grows stronger, and has spent the last four years building up its power, now able to go outside her body for brief moments. What this bodes for the world is unknown...

Powers and Abilities:

The entity dubbed 'Eclipse' by those few who know about it only has a tiny fraction of its full power available to it, for several reasons: its fall through space and time, its need to channel its power through a mortal host, and its immaturity. Nevertheless, it is a formidable opponent, when it deigns to act. First there is its ability to send ravenous tendrils of shadow to devour people, leaving only dust left in their wake. Then there is the fact that its aura, when revealed or seen, can drive men (and metahumans) mad with terror. Then, in times of dire need, it can reveal its true form, a mass of shadowy maws and tendrils, for a few seconds. This form is very effective in combat and mere glimpses of it can give men nightmares for years. It can also teleport between shadows.

Weaknesses:

Eclipse, for all its power, is unable to survive more than a few minutes without a host. This renders it weak, as a skilled magician may be able to exorcise (and thus kill) it.

Current status:

Alive, and hiding. It knows that there are things in the world more powerful than it, so it stays hidden out of self-preservation.

A little girl monster who has a creature of shadow inside her, that can lash out with shadowy appendages to kill people, and is so scary that it freaks its victims out? Okay. :)


I wonder what the little girl feels about this.
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"Sometimes Shroomy I wonder if your imagination actually counts as some sort of war crime." - FROD
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Dakarne
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Re: Eclipse

Post by Dakarne »

So... like Bells, then?

Seriously, Kamin, can't you think of anything original?
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'For the moment, mortal, they find the thought of killing me more desirable than that of killing you.'
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'The answer to that is evident in how long they've been hesitating, wouldn't you think, mortal?'

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Malchus
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Re: Eclipse

Post by Malchus »

*Sigh*

Kamin, look, I don't wanna start yelling at you over this since I'm trying to be less of an asshole on the internet, which includes less raging on threads. So, I'm going to reply as evenly as possible.

Don't you remember what happened the the last time you put up the concept for this character? Remember the flame war that led to? That should've given you some pause before you decided to go with this. In fact, this is why we keep telling you to put up your characters on character concepts, so we can hash out any negative reactions or criticisms there before we clutter up the main character subforum.

Fine, I give you the benefit of the doubt. The concept of shadow-wielder isn't that completely original in the first place. There are some small differences here, and you did at least tweak it a little (very little, though) from your original suggestion. It still doesn't change the fact that we already have another character who's very similar:
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Her. Bells. AKA Rasa Sceadwe.

Similarities:

Bound to minor godlike shadow entity? Check.

Shadow entity can be made to shift in shape and attack people? Check.

Shadow entity biding its time, growing stronger, and trying to exert more influence? Check.

Entity allows girl to move through shadows? Check.

Entity thrown through the depths of time and space? Check, with the caveat that it happens much more regularly to Bells thanks to Pockets.


Too close on too many different things. Having both Bells and Eclipse in Comix is just too redundant since there's not enough differences to really set them apart. I tried to set bells apart from a similar character like, say, the shadowy Pride/Selim Bradley from the Fullmetal Alchemist manga by making a lot of details that make her unique. The details on Eclipse are too sparse, and many of the major details she does have mirror Bells' too closely. There isn't enough to really set her apart as a character.
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I admire the man, he has a high tolerance for insanity (and inanity - which he generously contributed!). ~Shroom, on my wierdness tolerance.
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Czernobog
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Re: Eclipse

Post by Czernobog »

Dakarne wrote:So... like Bells, then?

Seriously, Kamin, can't you think of anything original?
Unfortunately for you, your policy of harassment doesn't mean that I'm quitting this site, worldbuilding, roleplaying or writing. It simply means that I'm blocking you from my Messenger. Well, you do have a point in this case, but I want to improve, and I'm not letting your harassment stop me. Seriously Dak, I am getting sick of your constant personal attacks: 'attention span of a goldfish', 'creativity of a tree', etc.

And, if you ever do want to talk to me again, prove that you can be constructive, and leave me alone until maybe, just maybe, I will let you talk to me on Messenger again. But that'll probably never happen, so why should I bother telling?
You have ruled this galaxy for ten thousand years.
You have little of account to show for your efforts.
Order. Unity. Obedience.
We taught the galaxy these things.

And we shall do so again.
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Shroom Man 777
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Re: Eclipse

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

You don't have to tell. You've shown. :P


But seriously. This point (Rasa/Bells) was raised before, in that other thread months ago. It's like one of those sci-fi series episodes where people are stuck in a time-loop. Like that SG-1 episode, Window of Opportunity.

People have, months ago, already said "Hey that character is very much like Rasa/Bells, girl with shadow monster, etc." and they also posted the same picture. And now, months later, the same thing happens and people again say "Hey that character is very much like Rasa/Bells, girl with shadow monster, etc." and they also post the same picture. That's after people went "Hey that character is very much like Rasa/Bells, girl with shadow monster, etc." and they also posted the same picture months ago. Then you post Eclipse again and people go "Hey that character is very much like Rasa/Bells, girl with shadow monster, etc." and they also post the same picture now. Just like months ago when you posted Eclipse and people went "Hey that character is very much like Rasa/Bells, girl with shadow monster, etc." and they also post the same picture back then. Now, again, people are going "Hey, that character is very much like Rasa/Bells, girl with shadow....
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"Sometimes Shroomy I wonder if your imagination actually counts as some sort of war crime." - FROD
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Shroom Man 777
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Re: Eclipse

Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Your wish is my command, Kamin. ;)

But come on. Learn from your mistakes and what other people, even Dakarne, say. Use your own ideas, stop repeating the same errors previously - particularly when people have already pointed out that your character is so much like others' characters. You've already gotten into trouble with this kind of thing previously.

You're lucky that O1 is so devoid of activity, and that Siege is so compassionate like a Jesus with a pistol, that we're willing to tolerate this and the worse people can do is point these things out.


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"Sometimes Shroomy I wonder if your imagination actually counts as some sort of war crime." - FROD
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